Even in the shower Spike was sure he heard the click, crank, crack, crunch, clack of Xander's brain as it churned over the day's revelations.
There was way too much thinking in this household, Spike thought to himself as he rubbed a towel furiously over his head, realising the irony of that just as he thought it. He rolled his eyes at himself, threw the towel on the bedroom floor, and sat down on the side of the bed hard enough for it to bounce Xander out of his funk.
Xander opened his eyes and turned to look at Spike with a scowl. "Hey, some of us are trying to... You're wet." His eyes raked up and down Spike's damp body, only briefly pausing at the towel covered portion.
Spike grinned and was pleased to note the immediate stirring inside Xander's boxers, the only item of clothing Xander was wearing. They were Tweety Bird boxers, admittedly, but Spike didn't mind. He placed his hand on Xander's thigh and leaned down to kiss him.
Xander groaned beneath him and Spike decided they didn't have nearly enough sex. Actually, they hadn't had any sex, at least not in the technical plug-in-the-socket sense. Spike deepened the kiss and squeezed Xander though the fabric of his boxers. He felt Xander moving beneath him, his hips rising and his good hand reaching to pull him closer.
Never breaking the kiss, Spike climbed on to the bed, and divested Xander of his boxers. He had a funny feeling he'd ripped them in the process, but Xander had stolen away his towel and was touching him in the only place that could possibly make him forget.
"Xan." Spike tore his lips from Xander's and watched, fascinated and riveted, as Xander's hand smoothed rhythmically up and down his cock. Once again, Spike was reminded of how soft Xander's hands were. Before they'd ever touched him, he'd thought, or maybe assumed, that they would be hard, calloused and a little bit clumsy. But they weren't. They were perfect and Spike wanted to tell Xander that but all that would come out was a strained, "Guh…"
"Spike." Xander hooked his injured arm around Spike's neck and pulled him down. His lips immediately attached to Spike's neck once he was close enough and Spike groaned, long and loud.
He knocked Xander's other hand away and pushed apart his legs with his knees. Gripping Xander's hips tightly, he ground their cocks together, pushing and thrusting until they were both shaking and Xander was pushing him back and telling him to stop.
Momentarily mortified, Spike pulled back and scanned Xander's body, convinced he'd done something wrong: hurt him, bitten him or maybe just leaned on his cast.
"Spike." Xander's hand held tightly to his face. "Spike, it's okay. I just… Please, I need you to fuck me right now, because if you don't I think I'm going to explode into many Xander-shaped pieces. And not in a good way. Bad, bad; it would be very bad."
Xander was silenced as Spike's lips descended and attacked, so many different kinds of relief pouring through him. He was being rough, but Xander didn't seem to mind, welcoming him with an eager tongue, fingers digging into Spike's hips and an overly enthusiastic cast boinking him on the side on the head. They both broke away and laughed, and Spike was glad for the interruption, the need to come already built up to the point where he could release the hound on command.
"No, I changed my mind."
Spike's expression fell and this time Xander cuffed him on purpose. "Of course I'm sure!" He pulled Spike close. "Please, fuck me. I need this. I need you. I love you, Spike."
For a moment Spike felt like he couldn't breathe. Then he remembered that he didn't need to, but still, there was this tightness in his chest and he realised he'd felt it before: with Drusilla, with Buffy. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. There was fear swelling inside him: fear of loss, fear of the pain, fear of the loneliness.
Xander looked up at him and there was understanding there. "Scary, huh?" he chuckled nervously.
Spike nodded back, still unable to speak.
"That's okay. I get it. You don't have to say it b-"
"Shut up for a minute," Spike interrupted. "Got something to say."
"Okay," Xander said warily. "But if it's that you need a bathroom break, I'm going to kill you."
Spike ignored the joke. "I love you. Proper love. But you've got to realise something. I'm a bit obsessive and I don't let go. If you really love me then you don't get to leave me. I won't have that. And if you… If you go and get yourself killed, I will bloody murder you. This is long haul, Xander. Got it?"
Xander smiled and nodded. He grasped the back of Spike's head and pulled him down for a brief but tender kiss. "That has to be the weirdest declaration of love I've ever gotten. Uh, not that I've had many."
"Better not have," Spike muttered against his neck. "'Cause you are all mine now. Not letting you get away." He took a chance and changed into gameface, his fangs sinking just under the surface of Xander's skin.
Xander had to know what this meant, this relationship. It wasn't like having just a boyfriend; Spike wanted more than that. He wanted everything.
Xander gasped beneath him, his body arching as two tiny droplets of blood rose up to meet Spike's tongue.
"Oh god, Spike, love of my life, slick up and get busy."
Spike grinned and nipped lightly at Xander's throat. He reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a small tube from the drawer. His hands were shaking as he covered his fingers and it took great effort and concentration to steady them. Xander, the little shit, looked as cool as a cucumber, sprawled back on the bed, open and waiting. Spike's mouth watered and he pushed one of Xander's legs up and reached down.
"Okay?" he asked.
"Uh, considering you've got a finger in my ass, I'm surprisingly good," Xander grinned breathlessly.
Spike quirked an eyebrow and smirked as he twitched his finger and Xander's grin disappeared. "Good?" he asked smoothly.
"Oh god. Do it again and I'll get back to you."
Spike did it again.
"Oh god. No one ever mentioned that. Yeah, good, good, good…"
While Xander babbled, Spike took the opportunity to slip in a second finger, repeating the process and slipping in the third once Xander's thinking-prone brain had melted all over the pillow.
Vampire stamina, my arse, Spike thought as tried not to come. He didn't even need to touch himself and he was right on the edge. He took extra time to stretch Xander and try to calm down at the same time, something that he would never try again due to the total contradiction.
He slicked himself up and positioned himself. He locked eyes with Xander and tried to smile. "Ready?"
Xander nodded and Spike took a moment to brush their lips together. Xander smiled up at him and Spike closed his eyes as Xander's hand touched his cheek. When he opened his eyes again he looked down at Xander with a mixture of pain, hope and love. "Don't leave me. I want you with me forever, Xander."
Xander frowned back at him, his mind clearly trying to process what Spike was asking and Spike suddenly felt a pang of panic. "No, forget I said anything. It doesn't matter. Just love you too much, that's all-"
Xander's hand came back to his cheek. "Spike, stop, it's okay-"
"No, no, it's not okay. I haven't got any right to ask something like that. Fuck, I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," Xander said. "Just be happy, okay? Because I'm not saying no."
Xander shook his head. "Just…give me some time?"
Spike smiled, well aware that his gameface had slipped and he was wearing his shy face instead. It was an expression he didn't show to many, but Xander was special and he was allowed to see Spike at his most poncy.
"I can do that," he said. He kissed Xander again, moving across his jaw and down to his neck.
"So that means snacks only for now. No main course, okay?"
Spike grinned into Xander's neck and playfully chewed with blunt teeth and a fake growl.
"And you're supposed to be fucking me," Xander continued.
"And you're a pushy bottom," Spike noted. "Gonna try you out on top next time."
Xander groaned and moved beneath Spike's weight. "Oh god, stop torturing me and-"
Xander's complaint was cut off as Spike slowly pushed inside. It was tight and hot but Spike had no trouble in holding back, taking his time and doing things right.
Everything was dire and unsettled and everyone was scared but in that moment it all disappeared and Spike felt truly warm, like all the fear and insecurity had been whisked away, replaced by something that warmed his blood and alleviated his pain.
Xander's legs wrapped around Spike's waist and, in true pushy bottom style, he lifted his hips and whined for Spike to do his thing.
Spike started slowly at first, sliding in and out in long, gentle strokes that had both of them clutching at each other.
More of Spike's world fell away and nothing else existed except for that moment and the man beneath him. His mind flashed with just Xander, the past and the present. The arguments and spats they'd had and still had; their tentative truce and their first kiss; the first time he'd looked into Xander's eyes and knew he was the one; the first time he'd realised he was no longer alone.
Spike shifted position as his grip threatened to fail him and his rhythm faltered. Xander held tighter to his arms, breathless and sweaty, just how Spike liked him.
Spike grinned wickedly, changing angle and thrusting his hips hard once now that Xander was slick and stretched.
Xander yelled his surprise and his back arched beautifully. Spike's pupils dilated and he licked his lips hungrily and did it again.
"Fuck!" Xander cried. "Please-"
Spike did it again, playing now and needing to see Xander moving beneath him.
"Jesus, Spike…" Xander leaned up on his elbows and reached out clumsily with his injured arm, pulling Spike to him and crushing their lips together.
Spike pushed his hips faster and Xander cried out against him, his body starting to shake.
"Please," Xander whispered.
Spike stared down at him, one hand trailing down Xander's moist chest and coming to rest on his thigh. He grinned again, knowing how much Xander wanted to be touched, how much he wanted to come – as much as he did. Holding tightly to Xander's legs, Spike began thrusting hard and fast, both of them grunting with the force and panting with the exertion.
"Touch yourself," Spike ordered, and his gaze fixed on Xander's cock as Xander took it eagerly, stroking it quickly as his whole body moved restlessly and nonsensical words fell from his lips.
"Fuck, you are gorgeous," Spike panted. "Keep doing that, pet. That's fucking beautiful."
He pounded into Xander's body, his rhythm faltering again as the pressure built. Xander scrambled to hold onto Spike and jack himself at the same time, his hips rising and falling to meet Spike's uneven thrusts.
"Spike… I'm gonna…"
They clutched at each other and Xander's back arched one more time, come spilling over his hand and stomach, his whole body tensing and his legs squeezing Spike further into him.
Spike followed a second later with an almost surprised shout, Xander's body clenching at his cock and enfolding him in a blanket of hot pleasure. He let go of one of Xander's legs and braced himself against the bed, genuinely afraid that he was going to black out.
He squeezed his eyes shut and rode out his orgasm, only slightly aware that he was yelling and cursing. When he finally opened his eyes again and the orange stars had disappeared, he watched Xander carefully and deliberately bare his throat. Spike lunged without a second thought, his teeth sinking deep into Xander's neck. He drank quickly and deeply, only stopping when he felt Xander's hands smoothing over his shoulders. He released Xander's throat and kissed him, the feel of Xander's tongue in his mouth, drinking his own blood, making his spent cock twitch where it was still buried.
Their hands wandered restlessly over each other, stroking, petting and calming as their bodies relaxed and the kissing slowed to an easy, languid pace. One of Spike's hands found its way to Xander's hair, where he stroked the damp strands and, for the first time, everything felt real.
Spike wasn't sure how long they lay there, in the dark, surrounding each other and just touching, but he was sure it was a while. The moon had shifted from one side of the window to the other and neighbour's ginger tom had moved steadily down the street, wailing in warning to the other males in its path.
There had been a time, not that long ago, when Spike had found this new life strange, but now he felt like he belonged and that everyone belonged around him, like they had always been there, like Xander had always been his beloved and Dawn had always been his surrogate sister and even Cordelia had always been his friend.
Things certainly weren't perfect, particularly with certain arseholes hanging around, determined to rock the boat and take over the Hellmouth, but Riley was in for a surprise because the Slayer had her own personal army these days and with a little bit of careful planning, Riley and his men would be walking into an ambush – Spike style.
Spike smiled in the dark, his eyes flashing gold and an evil grin spreading over his face. He'd never liked Riley. He'd hurt Buffy and now he was responsible for hurting Xander and his grandsire. Razor sharp teeth glinted under the light from the moon as Spike planned out the different ways he could make Riley suffer.
Later, after the walls of Spike's brain had been repeatedly splashed with Riley's guts, he had another thought. He untangled himself from Xander's higgledy piggledy limbs and crept over to the dressing table. He opened the laptop and fired it up.
We just had sex! Yay!
P.S. Be a love and send me over some Yorkshire Tea.
~hugs and bites~
Yay! I bet it was hot.
Sure, consider it done. Send me Peanut Butter Cups?
Damn right it was hot! I really felt something, Tara, something big. Nearly put my back out, too.
I'll get some tomorrow.
~hugs and bites~
Something big? That's either a hernia or true love. Hee!
Get Xander to rub your back better. Did you put anything else out? He could rub that better, too.
Ha ha. When did you turn into a dirty bitch? ;o)
When I met you.
What time is it there? Shouldn't you be in bed with your man?
It's late. I think I'll go poke my man and see if he wants to go for round two.
I'm just going to bed, too. I'll email you in a couple of days. I've got things to tell you, but I really need to get some sleep right now.
Goodnight, sweetheart. Take care of everyone.
Spike frowned at the last message but shut the computer down anyway. He would wait a few days and if he didn't hear from Tara by then he would phone her. He also decided not to mention anything to Xander. Maybe Tara had good news anyway, so there wasn't any point in worrying anyone.
Spike glanced affectionately over his shoulder at Xander, smiling at him in the darkness. He stood as warmth flooded his body, filling him up with such a strong feeling that it nearly overwhelmed him. Tara was right: it really was either love or a hernia. Possibly both.
Beta'd by kitty_poker1
Also, Grief Counseling has just been nominated at the Fang Fetish Awards for Best Spander, Best AU and Best WIP. Thank you to whoever nominated us. Ame and I are so pleased!